Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I think your dad took our porno
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
