I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
whose ass print is on the piano?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
