are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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