I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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