Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
