you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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