just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
he's single and there are thong briefs.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
