what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
