Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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