Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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