John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
