I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
