You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
