You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
it glows. i had to have it.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
