I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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