he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
