please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
