Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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