your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
