Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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