When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
