my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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