I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
