he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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