Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
