Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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