I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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