She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
