Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
