I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
