You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
