sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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