Your tits are I can't wait for
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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