just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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