So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
