I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
