Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
