so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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