I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
