I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
