yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
