someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
never play flip cup with pint glasses
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
