Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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