they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
