Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
