im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
