Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
