Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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