God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
