I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just had sex on a roof
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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