i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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