I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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